Good and Angry by Scott Turansky

Author:Scott Turansky [Turansky, Scott]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-55317-1
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2002-06-16T16:00:00+00:00

Behavior: The Warning Flag

The first component of a bad attitude is behavior: the things we do. Habits of walking, talking, standing, looking, ignoring, or engaging often reveal what the heart is thinking and feeling. Now, you may be asking, “If the real issue is in the heart, what am I supposed to do about the behavior?” The answer has two parts. First, we use the behavior to indicate that we need to look deeper and address the attitudes of the heart. Second, we correct the wrong behavior. Although we can’t force a change of heart, we can require that children change their behavior while we continue to talk about heart-level changes.

Use behavior as a warning flag. Identify how your child tends to show a bad attitude and point out the patterns of behavior you see: “I can tell you’re disappointed by the way you’re rolling your eyes, but that’s not an acceptable way to treat others just because you’re unhappy.” “Those comments are hurtful and reflect a bad attitude because I said no.” “I can tell by your posture and sad face that you don’t want to do what I asked you to do, but that kind of bad attitude is not helpful.”

Sometimes the cues are subtle and other times glaringly obvious. When you give an instruction, for example, does your child make eye contact and give an appropriate response? Or does your child respond with arguing, complaining, anger, and defensiveness? Look at body language too. Huffing, folded arms, and rolling eyes demonstrate a message. Did the child do the task willingly, or was it done grudgingly, with bickering or complaining? Did your son do a complete and thorough job, or did he do it poorly, part way, or slowly? Did your daughter report back to have the work checked when she was finished, or did she disappear and you had to go find her?

Your answers to these questions may indicate a problem. Maybe the issue isn’t an attitude problem; maybe it’s a character weakness such as distractibility or laziness. Either way, children need to learn what their behavior, or lack of it, is saying to others.

Correct your child with clear observations of what you see. “I can tell you’re upset by the way you’re raising your voice. I’d like you to take a break before this gets out of hand.” Or, “Thank you for doing what I asked you to do. I appreciate that, but did you notice how you responded when I gave you the instruction? You clicked your tongue and let out a deep breath that sent a message that you didn’t like it. That’s a hurtful response.”

One mom used picture words when her children were young to help them see their attitude. Words like “cloudy,” “dark,” “mean-faced,” “scowling,” or “pouting” referred to a bad attitude. “Bubbly,” “sunshine,” or a smiling heart revealed a good attitude. Another mom encouraged her children to put on a good attitude with their clothes in the morning and check the mirror to make sure it was on straight.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.